4th Grade

In grade school I'd pace around the room, up and down the equipment and around it, too

My mind raced like a broken roller coaster---i didn't know what i was thinking of and why it appeared to me out of the infinite blue sky above my confused little head

Was it an episode I was trying to play back like a VCR, or was I trying to give it a new ending? One i felt agreed with me better, where heroes were held back by their capes.

Like a windup train, I'd circle the same objects again and again, never stopping, gazing back at my friends engaged in four-square and kickball---Feeling left out, I knew what outcast meant long before i heard 'hey ya!' So I screamed, weeping and wailing like I was I in pain

The blonde bully, Amy, tells me I'm just chasing my friends away, I'm a pathetic, fat baby, a coward

She remembers the time I stole first base back in gym, literally, I stole first base, picked it up and ran away with the rubber mat in my plump arms


She doesn't know the half of my insanity, The Scream come to life, my mouth could have been sculpted to an 'o' shape with volume dials on my face instead of ears

The teacher who loved baking pastries and buying brownies more than teaching children about pilgrims or metrics noticed my sneaking away from class to the reading space in a nearby corner while her lips were still moving---She knew I was crouching on all fours, creeping slowly to the fables and tales of horror

It's not like she cared, though---The special needs girl wasn't in her cookbook, or her teacher's manual, it appeared

the bratty blonde didn't understand, I wanted a normal life, I wanted to sing, with my friends as backup and nothing stopping me from belting out my first single: when I go across the lake

She would never know how I'd smile to myself after learning the spanish numbers, especially the 'teens---15, or quince, which sounded like Quinn-ce in my mind

I flashed back to black and red slippers, red and black jesters toting guns in a totebag she'd carry around

Amy aiming her taunts at me would chase me around, she could have been running with scissors her words were so cutting

I was ms. plump, tubby, mental girl in the eyes of other children, yet I cared as much as my teacher did about me gaining knowledge

Harley stood out for me that year, I screeched out songs during recess that year, I screamed so loudly and shed so many tears---I paced around the bleak blacktop

Meds didn't work on me that year, the more I had to take, the less sleep I got, wandering around my bedroom space

If I had a pencil I'd erase that year out of my life, tearing a hole through my life, taping in a new past

Then again, I listened to my first Eminem song that year, and hated it

Admiration for the Candy-Rapper

So I like this poetic rapper, Eminem to be exact

Impressive how he creates gory images in stories track after track

A psycho that screams bloody murder, murmurs sick fantasies, won't let you ask

Questions, got a game of Q/A, from A-Z, rhymes that'll take you to school and back

Mr. Mathers' homework assignemts might be too tough to handle, words will take you aback

Not some rich guy from Detroit, Its shady,damn, yes he can deliver like a UPS man

Police lines are crossed, realistic limitations

He can deliver a punchline without hesitation

Calls himself the anti-Christ, established this persona of slim

Swears easy as singing a lullaby, stinging profanities come quickly to him



When I saw his art, pencil drawings, pen scibblings , Didn't know he could draw?

precision in rough sketches sparked envy in me, but overall inspired awe

Inspired me, serious with music, relaxes with pencils and thick bristol paper

Already paints pictures, could paint a day in the park in a freestyle to impress her

The lonely artist, apprentice, learning skills each hour, I'm that aspiring girl

I can lean back, nod in time to the beats and singsong rhymes without a care in the world


He paints, strains, could conjure up cartoon images with more classic material than mickey mouse

He's not this god, has more flip-flops than a suburban girl in summer, but honestly, could out-rehab Amy Winehouse

Recovering drug addict, yeah, great role model, kid,and raps with too much mysogyny

If he raps about killing women and bitches, I'm still a woman who loves the man, his wordplay doesn't concern me

I could go deaf just listening to the same song with a cheerful message of 'fuck them'

yet

When i come back from Truman-show reality, I'm still gonna love Eminem

Verbal Battlefield

Who the hell is this chick? She's been out kinda long, had one hot song, sorry, didn't hear it, must have missed it/too busy being conceited putting on my lipstick, That line is from the Lil Kim freestyle Got Money, mean to be a diss directed at Remy Ma, an up and coming rapper who rap veteran Kim believed had been calling her out in interviews and on songs. Remy naturally responded with a diss of her own in the freestyle When I See Her, aimed directly at Kim, with lines like: "I'm gonna treat her like a check and straight cash her when I see her." The two had been competing for the "Queen of NY" title they each boasted about on albums, and believed they were.

Lately, in the "platinum present"stage of hip hop, when all these talented rappers first entered the game, certain rappers have been calling out each other in songs and interviews, or on entire CDs. before the end of the Jay Z and Nas beef, both rappers released CDs on the same day, with most of the songs on the album about dissing the other rapper. Remember the violent Tupac/Biggie beef that started the east coast/west coast rapper rivalries? Eminem had even gone beyond dissing just fellow rappers, and was dissing pop stars, celebrities, and even members of his own family such as his mother and ex-wife in heated songs.

Why do rappers feel the need to diss others in their songs? Can't the rappers of '09 get past the battles and move on to better things? Even Jay Z and Nas stopped their beef and did a song together. Rap was originally used to get rid of violence and killings, to use words instead of weapons in order to solve problems, yet what happens if rappers take the words to far? Tupac and Biggie each died in violence as their violent beef went on, and couldn't learn to end the battle. I usually enjoy a clever rap diss, a poetic form of insulting that could leave the rival standing there, mouth wide open. In the movie 8 Mile, a rapper disses Eminem's character, saying "you're faker than a psychic with caller i.d.!" Yet insult's can go too far, and usually just to sell CDs, or get a buzz, while it could end up escalating.

Rappers of '09, stick with your own rhymes and ideas, and don't call out rappers, as rap is more about letting out emotion and spreading your voice and words out to the world, not making enemies just to sell a couple more tracks online.

Relapse is out!!

Well...It's been out for weeks

Critics often like different sides of Slim Shady, though he tries to balance them both. If someone first heard these really moving, emotional eminem songs, they'd naturally want Em to keep making songs like those. Or if someone grew up on The Slim Shady LP, which is all about violence and drugs, they'd enjoy the satire and gory details and would demand more passion and anger.

On Relapse, it looks mostly like person no. 2 in my example got their wish. In the song 3:AM, Eminem violently kills people in a drug induced trance, quoting lines from Silence Of The Lambs and describing the blood around him upon waking up.The song is really clever and thrilling when you get past the violence, and pretty creepy as well, and it's also one of the drug-violence songs on the album that turned out great. Another great song with the same maniacal style is Insane, which shows the talent that shady showed everyone in 1997 when he first became successful. The lyrics are playful, yet violent, and though a bit over the top and gross,show he still has the talent and controversial word-play that got him here. Old Time's Sake, an Em/Dre Collaboration about getting high, was a disappointment though. The beat was catchy, but the lyrics were weak and had been used repeatedly before.

Critics can argue there's too much killing and insane, shocking fantasies depicted in the raps instead of emotional, deep songs, but for those critics, there's the song Beautiful, which is about being yourself, and not letting anyone else's words and perspective on you get to you "Don't let them say you ain't beautiful/ They can all get fucked just stay true" the lyrics aren't too sappy either, and though the sing-song chorus can get a bit annoying, the message and beat are amazing, and is one of the best songs on the album by far.

Overall, even though people's ideas of how Eminem's tracks should have been like or sounded are split, Relapse is a great album over all, and I recommend it to anyone who loves rap or Eminem.

Summer

I become the geek, nose buried deep in a graphic novel, strolling through
shelves of comics and MAD magazines losing touch with reality as I pick up a few and read
past pages where the heroes triumph over evil--I give romance novels sour looks like they were cigarettes---addictive and trashy reads are better left for the comic world where villains can waste away the free three months I have

Where I want to be the bubble gum pink-girl, when I can paint pictures with light, sunny pastel shades and sign my name with mascara, forget books for a moment---I'd rather file my disheveled nails instead of old assignments---I can turn back to the playing cards colored red/black polish of '04 back in the days when I was out of touch with the rest of the world

I become the hermit, alone and by herself on hot summer nights when kids appear with jars, armed with nets and cupped hands ready to catch fireflies---I'm locked up in my room--my own prisoner, painting, music blaring so loud it feels like the artist is right there, humming the familiar melodies in my ears, high on the night, I'll sing along as the same track plays back.

I'm alone, that is, until a friend calls---then I'm gone

I'm free after the five hour classes---the school stress crammed inside a few short weeks like clothes in an overstuffed suitcase. For now, I'll change sides--the chameleon of summer who changes moods and personas at will

This summer, I'll be realistic with my idealistic thoughts and plans
still, like a deck of cards, my thoughts will just keep shuffling around