Childhood Idols

No matter how original you try to be, there was always someone else to inspire that desire for originality

As a kid I admired the villains in my life, cartoons of robbers with special powers, weapons at their disposal, and they would always put up a fight

I admired the bad girls---the tough as hell girls, who could get guys, use guns and outdo the men in battles cleaned up for kid's TV

I would watch the same lighthearted episodes of batman repeatedly, stuck like glue to my seat, silently praying that a deadly villainess would destroy the caped crusader at last

The bad girls wore the dark-colored costumes, crimson, pitch black, bottle green, and could pull off any combination or style----I was never a fashionable child

Others would cheer at the sight of a hero, while I wanted their demise as desperately as any animated psycho could

Harley Quinn, the black-red jester was my favorite---free spirited and ready to kick ass no matter how badly she lost----I wasn't too sane at the time

I painted my nails playing-card style cherry red-and-tar-like black to copy the outfit she wore, because i loved the idea of being a psycotic harlequin

Yet the nails came off as goth, before emo replaced it, instead of lunatic

Were heroines any better? They were all adults dressed in costumes, hurting people, same as any emo-nails-tough girl


As a child I paced around, unable to sit still in a cemented desk, imagining the villains I knew as the victors

years later, the bad boys and girls with the courage to be hard as a coffin still make me thirst for my chance

I now know the line between good and evil--it didn't take a batarang to knock some sense into my skull

yet i still desire that moment

the thrill of being bad